It’s been a while since Stink and Coo-Cats died – Stink, a golden retriever, stunk to high heaven from start to finish, aged 15 and Coo-Cats, age unknown, tabby, sudden death a mystery, sad loss. We found our new cat (pictured) at Wood Green Animal Shelter – she’s nearly two years old and she has fur like a rabbit. Isn’t she fucking adorable? In the pack that they handed us there was a questionnaire filled in by the family who’d given her up; it seemed that although they adored her, they were unable to keep her in their small flat – dur! – when asked, ‘What is the cat’s favourite tasty treat?’, they responded, ‘Banana, water-melon, strawberries, cucumber, raisins and cheese Doritos (little bits of each)’ – okay then.