Licence to Bore

What gives people the right to bore me without prior agreement or by arrangement? – ‘Hello, please may I bore you for a while? – ‘No’ – there, we all know where we stand. I appreciate that there’s a fine line between being polite and saying, ‘Can you go away now, you’re boring me.’ Friends can bore each other sometimes but I feel that  is implicit in the rules of  friendship; that if one wants to bore the other, that is fine – you can always talk over each other until you’ve both got your mundane shit off your chest (for a while at least, until you can go and bore some other fucker with it) – I call it OPD – Other People’s Dramas – or OPS – Other People’s Shit. With friends you can say, ‘You’re boring me now, let’s change the subject’. However, when strangers or acquaintances come along, for example, when I’m up the high road shopping or in the supermarket, unless I see them first (and manage to avoid getting bored to tears for maybe up to 15 minutes), they feel they have a licence to bore me rigid. One example is a young man who works in Waitrose, Ubanga – I swear to god that he has been doing his pre GCSEs for the last five years minimum and every time I see him he bores the shit out of me – people who bore cannot read body language or if they do then they choose to ignore it – he tells me what exams he’s failed recently and then he recites his work timetable and his overtime hours and I want to say, ‘Just fuck off! This is my time. I’m not getting paid to stand here and be bored by you! Goodbye’ but I think that would be rude.


4 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by Oficer Dwibble on October 22, 2012 at 9:37 pm

    next time he tries to talk to you tell him “you can not listen to him for less than your minimum rate for listening and also for proof reading which must be about a fiver per minute ” because you have a new job now and time is money ,and you are really sorry but your boss insists you pay him half of the fiver a minute so you would in fact have to charge him 7.50 per minute so you cant really ever talk to him till you get a new job .im sure with that explanation he will never bore you again , btw i have met the young turd, and no mercy is necessary in this case .


  2. Posted by agneedy on October 24, 2012 at 9:59 pm

    I think it would be easier to ask him about his mother,he’ll soon shut the fuck up!


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