Emotional Guidance Scale

“What so many people desire, especially when they’ve felt deep suffering, longing or misery is to BE the opposite. 

The trick is to realise as human beings that we only have access to an emotional step in either direction on the scale; we can’t just jump to joy!

So the idea is to accept where you are and reach for some feeling that is a positive step for you.”

 Abraham-Hicks

Since the death of my dear cat Bree-Anna, I have been feeling really low, right down at number 22 on the Emotional Guidance Scale. Gradually though I have started to move up and tonight I find myself at number 12, mixed with a bit of 10. Tonight I am totally fucked off and fed up because it’s been raining for four days solid and I can’t go out and walk my fat arse off – it’s not really fat, I know this because having lived in track-suit bottoms for weeks on end, my  jeans went on no problem – that’s something that could send some people soaring up to number 1 on the scale. Having identified myself at number 10 at best, this is below boredom, at number 9 – boredom is one of my least preferred emotions and in fact I prefer being at a painfully frustrated and disappointed number 10 because at least it’s a feeling. In getting to number 10 I did have to pass through some rather unpleasant numbers, such as number 21; guilt – yes, I did feel guilty that my cat got run over. After all, letting an inexperienced black cat out at night is asking for trouble. Number 19 kicked in a couple of days later, where I chose to vent my hatred and rage on people driving cars down my road; I considered barricading the road with dustbins and making the traffic in either direction turn around; cat killers, the fucking lot of them! Fuck the police, fuck the council, I’ll tell them about people who drive too fast and kill people’s cats outside their homes! – that was number 18. Number 19 also extended to a couple of suspect neighbours who could have done the deed; cunts. Anger was a real relief once the hatred and revenge died down, although they too were driven by anger (in at number 17). I moved through from number 16 to my current 12, without a hitch and now, if only the fucking rain would stop and I could go out and walk and listen to my music, I think I could even achieve a number 7.

** JOY'S AT NUMBER 1 **

** JOY’S AT NUMBER 1 **

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2 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by sally1137 on March 19, 2013 at 12:23 am

    Even when cats die natural deaths, I feel guilty. I have a bunch of them from age 20.5 to age 1.5. I try to love them the best I can and let them go when I have to. I am sorry about your kitty.

    Reply

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