Less than Ideal Home Show

The last time we went to the Ideal Home Exhibition at Earl’s Court I swore I would never go again – that was two years ago. This year my agenda was to get a new kitchen table and chairs from an exhibitor who didn’t happen to be there this year and also get some chocolate covered marshmallows and strawberries, which also didn’t happen to be there this year. Boo! I have had a couple of enjoyable visits over the years; one year I bought a bunk bed, another time my office chair (which is now fucked, but it was at least 12 years ago). The last time I went I had my teeth ‘whitened’, which cost me £120, a ‘bargain’ I was told; the result; teeth more yellow than prior (how does that work!?). This year, determined not to get conned, I walked confidently past the stands, purse gripped tight in my pocket. As I came round the last bend, with the intention of going to find Hun and Son, I was cornered by an Israeli guy in his late 20s, selling his wares. I informed him that I had no money, so not to waste his time on me. ‘No, no’, he insisted, ‘Come and sit down, I have some wonderful eye serum for you to try’ – key words, ‘eye serum’ – yes, my eyes look like shite these days, I guess that unless I quite smoking and start eating a healthy diet, that things ain’t gonna improve. So down I sat and he applied the eye serum and I loved it – sold – he then demonstrated a Dead Sea mask on my wrist, which I declined because it was a big faff – and finally he glossed a nail or two, popped on some hand cream and that too was sold to the lady with ‘no money’. As I went to pay I said, ‘You are a great salesman!’ and he said that I gave the game away the moment I said I had no money; I fall into the category of ‘impulse buyer’, unlike another person who might show loads of interest and  then say ‘Nah’ and walk away, i.e. a ‘time waster’. Got me there! Gagging for a spliff – which I’d left at home out of respect to Hun and Son (ironic) – I told them that I needed to leave immediately and the tube ride home was slightly less than pleasant. I hate the Ideal Home Exibition at Earl’s Court and I never want to go there again.




2 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by OD on April 5, 2013 at 7:38 pm

    you should have taken 5 spliffs with you …… would have had a great time and bought the dead sea mask ……


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