Bigger Boys

I have an intermittent war with Barnet Council. Over the years family and friends have received tickets for parking outside our house, which we’ve had to appeal, mostly unsuccessfully. A couple of years ago we got a ticket for not getting our resident permit on the car quickly enough; we appealed, received an acknowledgement, the ticket was rescinded and then this year we received a summons saying that it remained unpaid and that they were going to take us to court! Honey went to the MP surgery at the Arts Depot and got the big guns onto it and within a week we had notice that the matter was closed. Although the council admitted that it was their fault that the permit was not here on time and also that due process with regard to our appeal had not been followed, they were ungracious, patronising and unapologetic.

Last Wednesday when La Poppette came to pick me up, a traffic warden (‘CEO’, would you believe!?) popped a ticket on her car. I did keep an eye out of the open front door but when I turned my back for a second, Patawayo did the evil deed. I actually caught him before he had even started writing the ticket but he went ahead and issued it anyway. Honey verbally abused him and then I had a go, Honey got a second wind and then I had another go. After about ten minutes, the warden smiled sweetly, said, ‘Have a nice day’ and ambled away down the middle of the road in the pissing rain. ‘I hope you get run over, you fucking cock!’ were my parting words.

I immediately appealed to the council by email and copied in Mr Big, our local MP and today I received notice that the ticket is no longer payable. Mr Big emailed me a copy of the response to himself and also a copy of a letter to me from the council – the letter to Mr Big said that the warden had been observing the car for three minutes – however, in the letter to me, although it said the same thing, they added that ‘there is not a requirement to observe the vehicle for a period of time’ – so why did he do it then if it was not required!? That’s because he did not in fact wait there for any minutes! ‘Our officers wear uniform and are clearly visible to members of the public’ – not if they’re hiding behind a fucking brick wall they’re not!

The warden, according to the council, said he was approached by two females and a male to ‘discuss’ the ticket – erm, I don’t think so! – he was approached by two females and a male before he’d even issued the ticket and there was certainly no ‘discussion’. They said that a ‘full observation’ of the car was made, indicating that the warden had the time in which to do that – well, he actually did that for about ten minutes while we stood in the rain and abused him, with me taking photographic evidence of him doing it!

The council told Mr Big that my statutory rights could be affected for getting him involved at such an early stage (really!?), so I asked him if there was any further action required on my part and he said there was not and to come back to him if necessary (in like two years probably!?). I thanked him for his fine work on my behalf and then started to respond to the council regarding their lies but decided against it because I won again – so fuck you Barnet Council, you are petulant, ungracious, lying bullies.




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