Maureen, will you come back to Ally-Pally to take back that Pangea with me tomorrow?’, I implored doubtfully, as it was Sunday and I knew there was no way she’d want to drive (considering she does that journey every day for work). ‘I’ll pick you up.’

Sure,’ she replied, ‘I can’t wait to see Mark Chatfield’s face when you’re screaming at it! Lol.’

So off we went that sunny Sunday afternoon to Ally-Pally to return the offending infra-red hand warmer. We slunk up to the stall and I approached the apparent MD (a bit of a spiv) and presented my red shaking hands for him to see.

I think your machine is faulty because it’s burnt my hands and made them go numb, they’re ten times worse than they were! My friend had to drive me here today because I can’t drive and I can’t type and I type for a living!’, I told him, my voice quivering.

He looked surprised, mumbled an apology and said that this had ‘never happened before’. He asked me to wait to see Mark and we sat ourselves down, ready to do battle. After a few minutes Mark decided to give me his attention and I showed him my hands.

This has never happened before’, he said, ‘I wonder what we could do?’

I think you could give me my money back, as this is obviously not the product for me’, I said. Without a quibble or need of a threat, he refunded my money and we left the vicinity, almost disappointed that no scene was made that day.


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