Colin the Cat Flap Fitter

The time had come to get a cat flap, Ted’s nocturnal behaviour finally wore us down. I googled a few local glaziers to get some quotes and I presented them to Honey, who did his own search and came up with Colin, ‘What’s wrong with Colin?’, he said, ‘Absolutely nothing?’, said I and I gave him a call. By the time I arrived home, Colin had turned up in his old orange van. He looked like Captain Caveman, with no front teeth, he looked 64 but was actually 52. He convinced us to go for a PVC panel, which was great because it meant he could do it on the spot – deal. He attacked the back door and fitted the flap and we chatted about life and as I had just been to the GP’s with my hand problem, I told Colin that my hands were freezing all the time. He told me that he had the opposite thing, that he had two hot spots on the palms of his hands and he approached me to place them on my face – it was true, they were burning! He went on to tell me that the linseed putty he uses makes his hands soft and likewise his lips, when he casually brushes his hand over them … okay … after he left, he text me to say how easy I was to talk to, how he wished he’d had a toke of my spliff ‘so I could see what it’s like inside your head’ and the following morning he text me to say that his hands were hot, ‘Stop me if I say too much’ … ‘Colin, you say too much.’




2 responses to this post.

  1. Posted by officer dibble on February 23, 2014 at 8:58 am

    take 3 scraps of paper and write colins number on them then burn them outside on the garden table and while they are burning say fuck off colin 9 times , that should do it


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