Posts Tagged ‘Addiction’


I’m not one for resolutions, perhaps due to some arrogance that everything I do is wonderful and what could I possibly want to change. I suppose it’s only when something presses my buttons that I feel it perhaps needs looking at instead of brushing it under the carpet. There are lots of things that I would like to do, including taking trips to visit people (whether afar or nearer, in Brighton, or even East Barnet or Arkley) but I seriously can’t be arsed, yet a lot of the time I am bored shitless and would really benefit from doing things. My can’t be arsed-ness extends to holidays; I just can’t get it together, I’ll have a host of excuses that result in me standing still. I find the smallest chore an effort, just the mere thought of it sending me over the edge. I suspect that it is my consumption of weed that has rendered me this way. I have smoked so much that I never feel stoned any more; I just feel generally drained and de-motivated. To put a brake on it in any way will only result in my doing it more, so I don’t want to rock the boat – even the thought that perhaps I’ll only smoke in the evenings makes me shudder and reach for my tin. I wish I could understand why something that makes me feel generally bad is still so tempting and I can’t leave it alone. So I will not ‘resolve’ to do anything about it but I am thinking about it.




Teach the World to Sing

I’d like to. So many people are on anti-depressants – so many people I know. These medications are what the GPs peddle. They are highly addictive, the side effects are hideous; profuse sweating, hirsuteness, weight gain, halitosis, suicidal thoughts, depression and anxiety! The people that take these pills are ‘normal’ people, who go to their GP because they’re ‘not happy’ and because the trusted GP has prescribed them, like sheep they become the medicated masses. The funny thing is that the people I know who take these pills are all really depressed – and over what!? – a load of bollocks, they’re just ‘not happy‘. They don’t realise that by the time they’re hooked on their shitty little pills, they’re going to be fat, sweaty, hairy, overweight basket cases with honking breath – enough to make anyone suicidal! My advice to anyone who thinks they’re depressed is to try smoking weed, it really makes you happy. Legalise cannabis you fucking weirdoes!




I have OWD – Obsessive Weed Disorder. I am self diagnosed. I need the following, everything has to be just so:-

1. Weed

2. Green Rizla (Kingsize)

3. B&H

4. Clipper lighter – they’re not as good as they used to be, they’ve changed the wheel and it hurts your thumb – also, for some reason they hardly give you any flint!

This week I have stressed myself out by changing a) tobacco and b) using a cheap and nasty little electronic lighter – it alters the whole experience and it feels uncomfortable – at the time of writing these issues have been addressed.

OWD drives me round the bend, it keeps me rolling from morning ’til night, when I have to take myself by the hand and say (aloud), ‘Enough, I can’t possibly get any more stoned!?’, even though I don’t really ‘feel’ it, ever.

I love the smell of weed but I am totally desensitised to it – just today Honey said, ‘It stinks of weed in here!’ but I can’t smell a thing. I know that every other fucker can smell it; like in Waitrose the other day, I had a chipped spliff in my hand and five pre-rolls (I was going up to town with Maureen and LJ), customers and staff were sniffing the air, ‘It’s me, sorry’, I said to the cashier, ‘It’s okay,’ she said, ‘we like it.’ I was walking down Oxford Street, when someone burst out of the crowd and pretended to be a copper and asked me if I was smoking marijuana – I pretended I didn’t understand him – Doc told me that if you really get stopped that you’re to tell them that you’re a ‘habitual smoker’ and that makes it alright (my GP can corroborate).

Sparrow was asking how come I’ve not been writing about my weed habit lately and that’s basically because things have been on track for months, there’s been no adversity, the weed has been good and continuous, I now score an extra bag; I feed the weed monster and all is well.




Devil or Angel?

I have a knot in my heart and I have a knot in my stomach. I have a storm going on in my head; it’s a raging debate between my devil and my angel. It’s driving me insane. My devil is saying that maybe I could score a £20 bag tomorrow night and smoke it over the weekend and just abstain during the week, thus only spending £20 a week which, let’s face it, is acceptable. My angel is saying that it is not acceptable within the bounds of my inner agreement, which is to abstain for 12 weeks. This evening Dozy W is coming over and our ritual is to smoke a couple of spliffs together and moan about how we’ve got no money and no life. My devil is saying that I should have a spliff with him and then ask if he could give me a spare one for later when I go for my walk. My angel is sticking to the line of abstinence and suggests that I put myself upstairs out of the way for the duration of his visit, thus removing the temptation to cheat on myself. Argh!!!! I want a spliff so much!!! So today my debate will continue endlessly and then I’ll see who wins; devil or angel?

*** IT’S A WAR ***


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