Posts Tagged ‘Boredom’

CBA

I’m not one for resolutions, perhaps due to some arrogance that everything I do is wonderful and what could I possibly want to change. I suppose it’s only when something presses my buttons that I feel it perhaps needs looking at instead of brushing it under the carpet. There are lots of things that I would like to do, including taking trips to visit people (whether afar or nearer, in Brighton, or even East Barnet or Arkley) but I seriously can’t be arsed, yet a lot of the time I am bored shitless and would really benefit from doing things. My can’t be arsed-ness extends to holidays; I just can’t get it together, I’ll have a host of excuses that result in me standing still. I find the smallest chore an effort, just the mere thought of it sending me over the edge. I suspect that it is my consumption of weed that has rendered me this way. I have smoked so much that I never feel stoned any more; I just feel generally drained and de-motivated. To put a brake on it in any way will only result in my doing it more, so I don’t want to rock the boat – even the thought that perhaps I’ll only smoke in the evenings makes me shudder and reach for my tin. I wish I could understand why something that makes me feel generally bad is still so tempting and I can’t leave it alone. So I will not ‘resolve’ to do anything about it but I am thinking about it.

* I'M THINKING ABOUT IT *

* I’M THINKING ABOUT IT *

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I’m Boring

A friend of mine let slip that a mutual friend of ours thinks that my life is boring. I let it go over my head, water off a duck’s back. I may have chortled. It reminded me of a conversation that I’d had with Doc a couple of months ago when I told him that I was bored. He asked me, ‘Are you boring?’, to which I responded, ‘Probably.’ I was a bored child, it used to drive my mum mental (as if she wasn’t mental enough) but I actually get pleasure out of boredom, it’s one of my hobbies. Therefore I don’t know why my friend’s comment grated on me, except for the fact that it’s fucking judgemental. I wouldn’t swap my life with hers (or anyone else’s for that matter) and if she thinks my life is boring, she doesn’t have to it live it, ‘So thank you for the feedback and up yours.’

** I’M A BORING OLD BITCH **

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