Posts Tagged ‘Cravings’

Bottom of the Barrel

Okay, so I went to bed last night, had a good night’s sleep. I woke up this morning and felt a little groggy. I must admit that I do wake up groggy every day, except the first thing I do is go into the garden and take a couple of tokes and balance myself. Of course this morning I did not have my morning spliff. I took Son to school and when I got home had a few errands to run. I grabbed my bag, keys, fags, lighter and felt like I had forgotten something. ‘Oh yeah’, I thought, ‘I’d usually roll a spliff’ and I actually felt relief; relief that I could leave the house without the ritual. I had a good morning, feeling positive and upbeat about my abstinence. However, at 1.00, I had a pang, a great big pang, a pang that made me feel like crying. I needed a spliff. At the very bottom of my weed box was a few crumbs mixed with tobacco, so I skinned it up and smoked it. Instant relief, mixed with sadness – so now I’m stoned AND sad. There is one more spliff at the bottom of my box, it’s only a weeny one. I want to smoke it now. I probably will smoke it very shortly. So, after that one there really is no more left, unless I go hunting around on the floor and in the carpet, looking for  crumbs. So today I must not score under any circumstances. I will not score. I will try my best not to. I will be strong. I will not score.


Weed Free Day One

I did not score today. Since Friday I weaned myself off on my ‘last’ draw and now it has all gone. Whilst it did feel uncomfortable, I also had a sense of excitement and by this evening I was buzzing! It felt so great not to have to go through the whole rigmarole of finding some gear, getting money out, going and get the stuff and then feeling a lack because there was just never enough or it wasn’t quite good enough. Although my head space has been filled with not going to get weed, the cravings only came in pangs and were not overwhelming. I did buy myself a bottle of cider just in case I felt the need to take the edge of my stress – however it has not been necessary to crack it open tonight. A friend of mine told me that she had to take Piriton (an antihistamine) and she said that she felt like she’d smoked two big spliffs and she even got the munchies! – top tip. So with all these tools and my newly discovered inner determination, things look set to continue.


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