Posts Tagged ‘Rain’

Emotional Guidance Scale

“What so many people desire, especially when they’ve felt deep suffering, longing or misery is to BE the opposite. 

The trick is to realise as human beings that we only have access to an emotional step in either direction on the scale; we can’t just jump to joy!

So the idea is to accept where you are and reach for some feeling that is a positive step for you.”


Since the death of my dear cat Bree-Anna, I have been feeling really low, right down at number 22 on the Emotional Guidance Scale. Gradually though I have started to move up and tonight I find myself at number 12, mixed with a bit of 10. Tonight I am totally fucked off and fed up because it’s been raining for four days solid and I can’t go out and walk my fat arse off – it’s not really fat, I know this because having lived in track-suit bottoms for weeks on end, my  jeans went on no problem – that’s something that could send some people soaring up to number 1 on the scale. Having identified myself at number 10 at best, this is below boredom, at number 9 – boredom is one of my least preferred emotions and in fact I prefer being at a painfully frustrated and disappointed number 10 because at least it’s a feeling. In getting to number 10 I did have to pass through some rather unpleasant numbers, such as number 21; guilt – yes, I did feel guilty that my cat got run over. After all, letting an inexperienced black cat out at night is asking for trouble. Number 19 kicked in a couple of days later, where I chose to vent my hatred and rage on people driving cars down my road; I considered barricading the road with dustbins and making the traffic in either direction turn around; cat killers, the fucking lot of them! Fuck the police, fuck the council, I’ll tell them about people who drive too fast and kill people’s cats outside their homes! – that was number 18. Number 19 also extended to a couple of suspect neighbours who could have done the deed; cunts. Anger was a real relief once the hatred and revenge died down, although they too were driven by anger (in at number 17). I moved through from number 16 to my current 12, without a hitch and now, if only the fucking rain would stop and I could go out and walk and listen to my music, I think I could even achieve a number 7.




Pilferer’s Choice

I have  massive bush – a marijuana bush that is – growing in my garden. I proudly show photos taken from its early days to now in the way that some people show photos of their children or pets (admittedly there are very few people who are in the slightest bit interested and I suppose that goes for people’s pets and kids too). The bush grew from two little seedlings that were given to me as a late summer gift. I planted them in pots (with all the faff of getting the right soil and mixing it with this and that) but they started to look sad and the roots were soggy. In order to give them any sort of a chance, I planted them in the earth, which I had prepared with home-made compost (fruit and veg), alive with worms – apparently weed likes worm poo – last year I tried to buy some bat poo over the internet but the company never delivered. I’m pleased because I’m told it really smells atrocious. I am astounded at how the plants have flourished; the aroma is heavenly, the leaves are sticky, every day the buds are getting bigger and fatter! The last few days it has rained constantly, all sorts of rain, this morning was foggy and there was a misty rain all day. The buds are getting saturated and I’m fearing bud rot – I think the pilot leaves protect them a bit. I’ve looked at the forecast and it’s meant to be dry for a few days at least. I think its days are numbered. The worst weather is the wind (which hasn’t been too bad this week) because it blows the fuck out of it and I have to barricade it with the table and umbrella and a big upside down flower pot. Last week I cut a couple of heads – I  have one drying in a shoe box and I dried one quickly. There’s nothing quite like toking on an early bud … terrible munchies though, today alone I’ve eaten a packet of six iced buns and about six Twix.

Brighton Rocks

Today I went to Brighton to see Auntie P. It has been many years since we last saw each other (due to one thing and another) but it was as if we’d seen each other yesterday; it was comfortable and it felt like home. Although it was windy and raining and we couldn’t go down to the sea, the air was amazing and fresh. It was like being on holiday; loads of shops and cafes; it was like Amsterdam without the ‘coffee shops’ (I took my own weed) and it felt just the same vibe; nice and mellow. Although it was raining I took a leap of faith and wore my flip-flops but unfortunately the sun didn’t come out all day.


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