Posts Tagged ‘Shit’

Stink Man

Stink Man is so called because he stinks, obviously. The way he smells is this; a mixture of unwashed body, unwashed clothes and poo. Let me say, he is a good person (!!) and he joins us every Christmas for lunch, under strict orders that he is to wash, everything. Just this last Christmas he was very presentable and we all agreed that we could not smell him, much to everyone’s relief. Stink Man does my accounts and it’s tax return time, so it was important that he visited yesterday. Well, he was honking. Last time he visited, we brought in an old garden chair and removed our stylish new ‘diner style’ chairs from sight. However,  yesterday I was unprepared and so he brought my lovely chair into the office and sat down next to me – I held my scarf over my face for the duration. Honey clocked him sitting on the new chair and suggested (strongly) that I go and get a garden chair for him because, ‘He’s too heavy for those chairs!’ Stink Man reluctantly accepted the metal garden chair and during the change-over I noticed a smudge of poo – honestly! – on my lovely blue kitchen chair! I hastily got a Dettox wipe and scrubbed the smudge away, my heart beating fast; luckily, dare I say, it was ‘fresh’ and easily removed. While I was sitting on the sofa a little while later, reading my book, he approached me, hovering threateningly, at which point I silently prayed that he would not sit down and thank fuck my prayer was answered.

* HE SMELLS NOT OF ROSES *

* HE SMELLS NOT OF ROSES *

Gift in the Garbage

I just received a daily tune-up by email from the Kabbalah Centre.

It told me that the Light and my destiny is somewhere in my garbage.

Ain’t that the fucking truth.

I just wish the bin men would come and remove the garbage and just leave the Light, please.

*** FUCK THIS SHIT ***

via GiantGag.com

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